Friday, June 27, 2008

Thinking out loud

I am dreaming of going to the beach tomorrow with my friends. I am imagining myself sitting in a lawn chair with a nice cooling beverage and chatting it up as we watch the summer day pass. Alas this is only a dream as I will be stuck on the bipolar express train aka at work with my boss.

I won a $25 in free gas today from the local gas station...wooohoooo!! This followed the first part of my lucky streak in gas winnings. Work gave me a gift certificate for a free gas fill up due to the rising prices of gas and due to the fact I live a distance from work and am a student. I should get some lottery tickets!!

I had a great time at our friend's place this evening. I think that TGIF should happen at least every second week, at least!! It was great to see everyone!

My one year wedding anniversary is coming up, I really hope my husband likes his gift. I must thank my dear friend who came on the present adventure and helped me with the ideas and a steady hand...Thanks J!

My mother in law comes to visit in two weeks. I am very excited to see her. I feel very lucky to have a mother in law that I get along with and have a good time with. It seems that most do not get along with their mother in law, I am proud to say I am one of those few that do get along.

I think I will stick out the job thing...it can only get better! With vacation time, school and the rest of it I am sure there is light at the end of the tunnel

It is late and I should go to bed...good night!

Summer Days

I love summertime. Its one of the best time of year. Hanging out in the sun wherever it takes you, the beach, a patio, camping or wherever. Its a great time to get out there and hang out with friends and be free and have fun. My friend has a camp outside of town, I went there last night to see it for the first time since the flood. They have really fixed it up nice. I am so excited to spend summer days there, hanging out on the beach and going swimming.

This sounds like a nice way to spend your summer right? Well for those of us who have to work in retail those summertime activities are just a pipe dream! I will be spending my summer indoors with a woman who I have strong feelings of dislike towards! Its not fair by any means having to work every weekend all weekend but that is the price of retail! It is sad that this summer will be wasted in this fashion but don't fret friends as I am hoping this will be my last summer of crappy, shift work! I will be graduated, hopefully, next summer and then I will be boarding the Mon-Fri train along with my friends who get to enjoy these nice summers on the beach.

So for now it will have to be whenever I get the chance to get out there and a lot of days dreaming about it, at least until next summer. It seems a lifetime away but it will come and when it does look out kids its going to be hell of a time!

How much more?

This job of mine has got me in a real pickle of a situation. Its such a cycle of feelings that it leaves me wondering how much more I can take and what should I do about it. I hate my job but only because my boss is so mean and makes me feel so incompetent that going to work and having to deal with her is dreadful. At the same time I like all the other people that work there and I really actually don't hate my job, I only hate it because my boss is my boss. Where does that leave me, that is the pickle?

My first option is to stick it out. I have vacation time booked in which I don't know if I could get it going somewhere else. I am going back to school so I will hardly be there anymore and not to mention the best part she is going on Materinty leave very soon and won't be there anymore, not to mention all of her vacation days in between there. All of those days between me going and her going is a peaceful thought. Sticking it out until then though is something entirely different and not sure I can endure it.

My second option is to just look for another job and pray that the vacation time I need will be granted.

I am on the fence about these options. Looking for another job is music to my ears, however my boss is the bad apple in the bag and you don't throw out the whole bag just because one apple is bad. Everyone I work with are fun, nice, easy to get along with. I have only worked at this job for two months and while the thought of quitting pleases me at the same time I don't want to give up just yet! It would be like letting her win even though she doesn't know there is a problem. Its not very satisifying to come home everyday with a list of complaints about work or dread going to work all together. I am sure those reading this are chanting find a new job, especially if they have read other blogs about my wonderful work situation. I am just not sure that giving up is the answer. If I can stick out until Aug when I go on vacation for three weeks I will have conquered what seems the impossible. I think that I will stick it out as long as possible. I don't guarantee though that my temper won't get the best of me and I will suddenly be unemployed.

Wish me luck!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Married life

Being married is great! I love being married, my husband is a great man who I hope to share a long wonderful life with. That being said there is one thing about being married that I am very angry at! That one thing is school and finincial assistance.

Apparently when you are married the government thinks you have inherited all kinds of money you did not have before! I am hear to tell you this is not true. Sure I struck it big by marrying the man I love bla bla but that does not mean I also struck it big with the lottery. I recently applied for a loan to go to school this summer. My tution is just over a $1000 for two classes excluding text books. I, not making very much money and having to rely on my husband for support while in school, turn to the government for some help only to find out that b/c I am married I am only going to get $300 for my schooling this summer. Now I am no math expert but I am pretty sure that $300 is not even close to the $1000 that I need for school. I am pretty sure, again no math expert, that I need another $700 just to make up the tution fees!

Hmmmm this puts me in quite the dilemma....you see if I had $700 extra dollars just lying around I WOULD NOT HAVE TO ASK FOR IT!! So what am I going to do about this..good question, I am not exactly sure myself. I will figure it out. I have to or the way things are going I will still be going to University with my kids.

The weekend

I had a great time this weekend in P.E.I. It was all so beautiful, the weather, the scenery, the company, the food, the wedding. It was great. It was good to see old friends as well as vacation somewhere new with my husband. I really did have a great time!

I saw old friends from where I used to live. We laughed and shared stories about our new lives and not one awkward moment existed between us. Near the end of the trip I was worried that it would be hard to leave them again as I had eight months ago, however, hugging them all and saying goodbye I felt pretty good! I think it was good for me to see those friends again and realize that life where I am now is great and I don't miss home as much as I thought I did. There are certain people that I miss dearly but I am not so sure it was those people. Don't get me wrong I had a great time and i do miss them but nothing in their lives has changed and yet mine has change significantly. Its hard to explain in words but I feel that I made the right decision in moving and I think my homesickness from here on in will be much easier to handle!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Stuff in my head...

Happy Fathers Day to all the fathers out there. I miss my dad alot. We weren't very close when I was growing up but when I moved out on my own and became my own person our relationship became very strong. Even though I live far away now its still strong but I miss him tons. Not only do I miss my own dad, I miss my father in law just as much. Both great people!

I do not like my job! I am counting down the days until school starts so full time will no longer be my status. It just seems that no matter how hard I try its never a win-win situation! I go the extra mile and go out of my way to do things and I seem to get in trouble, I don't go the extra mile and still I get in trouble...it never ends!! School and vacation please hurry up.

On a brighter note, I am going to P.E.I in four days. That is very exciting. I will get to see my best friend from. I miss her a lot. Its only a short visit but a visit nonetheless.

I LOATH ants

I miss NYC

I hope this master bedroom project is almost done. It was supposed to be as simple as taking wallpaper off and putting paint on, well six coats we are not done yet. I think we are almost there..hopefully!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Fair or not fair..that is the question?!

I have been at my non glamorous job for approx. 3-4 weeks now. So far its......OK! Its a job, it serves its purpose! I work, I get paid, done deal. I get along with the girls there alright, we are not best chums or anything but its not completely unbearable to be there! School starts soon and I will have to be there even less than now which I am patiently waiting for!

My boss is pregnant which means her hormone level has been kicked up a notch which has made her mood swings become even more of a roller coaster ride. She is one of those people that is hard to be mad at! At times she can be super snarky, rude and patronizing and other times be very sweet and nice, those are usually the moments after she has succeeded at being, well, a bitch! I deal with these moods, breathe and move on with my day. I have considered looking for a new job as I don't feel like I fit in with the job or the people but I continue to tell myself its not much longer before I won't be there much at all due to school.

What I am not sure I can deal with is the recent episode that took place. A new girl has started. She seems nice and easy to get along with. Her first day was yesterday. She asked me a few questions about the position as she was hired to do the same job as me. She then asked me about pay. In most cases talking about rate of pay between co-workers is forbidden as its a confidential subject. I told the new girl to ask our boss what she might expect in terms of pay. This is where the question of fairness comes into play and whether or not I should look for new employment!! My boss proceeded to tell me that because I was limited part time while in school, keeping in mind that for the past two months I have been working full time, that the new girl will be getting paid more than me because they expect more from because she will be full time!! I fully understand the new girl will have more responsibility and be expected to do more work, however, in the case that she does the exact same job as me and just freaking started that she should get paid the same as me. What happened to raises based on performance?! The other part of it is the new girl was being trained on stuff I was just learning after being there a month!

This is just icing on the cake. As I mentioned before my boss can be rude. She treats me like a five year old most days. We hired another new girl who also works part time and on her first day she even noticed that my boss was mean to me!! That is not a good impression!! Anyway, I hate looking for a new job. I could always see if another department is hiring, but how do I do that without angering the Queen Bee?! For now I will just have to suffer through. I just have to make it through until Sept, my boss then goes on maternity leave! Hopefully things will get better, if not then a new job it is!! We will see what happens, wish me luck.

Dressed for the occassion

Last night I went in search for a dress for the upcoming wedding taking place next weekend. As I walked through the mall with my husband I knew this task was going to be both gruelling and painful. We went into a couple of stores only to find that most of the clothing was made for girls who had smaller everything than me. As I started to become discouraged I thought looking through here would be a huge waste of time and decided to go somewhere else. The place I had in mind was Pennington's, a store for 14+ ladies.

Normally I would be very upset at the mere mention of such a store and begin to cry. Going to Pennington's is a final truth that I am not a size 8 or 10 anymore. I don't have a problem with bigger people, I have a problem with a bigger me. I used to be one of those girls that could shop in the mall and buy those tiny waisted clothes. The older I get the more junk in the trunk I get!

This time was different. As we drove from the mall to Pennington's, feelings of sadness, discourage. self consciousness and low self esteem seemed to disappear. I kept an open, positive mind about the shopping experience and within little time and lots of money I found a dress. This is a huge thing for me. I don't normally wear anything that is not a pant of some sort and t-shirts that don't cover everything! Anything that shows any skin or cleavage is not something I would wear. Well folks I have come out of my shell. The dresses, I actually found two dresses, show cleavage and are fun and sexy. I tried them on and they looked great, fun and somewhat slimming. I was so ecstatic to have finally found a dress that I feel good in, look good in and have other people think I look good in. Shopping at Pennington's doesn't seem like such a bad idea anymore.

Not only was it a good self esteem booster for me but it was a great experience for my husband. He too was excited to see me in a dress for the first time in four years, well a dress other than my wedding dress.

While I am still not excited about the fact that I am a little more overweight than I should be, I am excited about being able to go clothes shopping without crying in the change room as I try on one shirt or pant after another! Its great to know I can go to a store and things will fit me properly. Self consciousness and lack of self esteem are a thing of the past!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Just a thought....

Last night I was watching Apolyptico, a movie about hunters and gatherers living in the rain forest. Doesn't sound so bad right? As I was watching this gruesome movie where men, women, and children were being slaughtered unneccessarily or in other words genocide was taking place, a thought occurred to me, when did society become to know these types of movies as entertainment?

I am not saying if you like these types of movies you are a bad person, I have watched movies that include such gruesome, horrific details but I find myself questioning my decisions to watch such movies. Schindler's list, Hotel Rwanda, Apolyptico, are just a few examples of the movies I am talking about, movies where a race of people get wiped out at the leisure or pleasure of someone else. I am not saying these movies are totally bad either, Hotel Rwanda was about a man who wanted to stay behind as a U.S. troop to save the people of Rwanda while the rest of his country did nothing. Schindler's list was about the Jews and Nazis. These are all films that happened in history and are no doubt interesting and educational.

I am not against educational movies, and so perhaps I am on the fence about this as I like to learn and watch movies that teach me things, however the portrayl of history is where my dislike hangs. Watching human beings be totured is not something that I am willing to pay money for. I have rented these movies in the past and guilty as charged liked them. I think in the future I will be more conscience of the movies I rent and if I would like to learn about the latest genocide movie that comes out I will read about it in a text book. That way I won't be watching the gruesome facts, I will be reading about them but not in such a descriptive manner!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Rue the day!!

If I ever find out who invented wallpaper I am going to hunt them down and say you will rue the day you were born!! Ok so I am no Charolette but I like her idea...whoever this person is has not made me a happy person. While we are on the subject of people not making me happy, along with the inventor of wallpaper is the person who used wallpaper in this bedroom I am about to PAINT! Paint people....its easy to take off and its not so ugly!

Wallpaper is the bain of my existence!! I have spent the better part of the morning and afternoon ripping off the stuff that holds wallpaper up, yes my friends gross paper and glue! Luckily I have a friend who guided me with her wise ways. Put some laundry detergent in water and soak the hell out of that crap!! It works but nonetheless still a pain in my ass (and wrist)

I am almost done this tedious task and when I am if I ever see wallpaper again....well I don't know what will happen but it won't be too soon!!

One of those days!

Ever have one of those days where you just want to lie around on the couch and be as lazy as humany possible, turn on the old boob tube on and eat endless amounts of food? Well today is one of those days. Its my day off and nothing in my life requires my immediate attention.

Well a girl can dream, I won't be having one of those days for a long time! The essence of this day is lost in my world! Sure I can lie on the couch and eat....in front of a blank television screen.

Thats right folks I have no tv. Well the physical object exists in my living room but with no cable going through it. Normally I don't care about tv. I used to have peasant vision (when you only get the channels that come along with just simply plugging your tv in), this was fine with me. I found shows on that I could watch and be satisfied with. I don't have peasant vision or anything else due to the fact that I live out of town. Again, normally this does not concern me, until today. I am bored and all I want to do is watch mindless tv, however this is not going to happen.

You are probably wondering why I don't just call the cable company and get them to set up cable in my house. Well for me its not as simple as it sounds. Its an on-going battle with my husband. He does not like tv therefore he does not care if we have it. He would rather watch a movie any day. I like movies as much as the next person but there comes a point when I just want to watch something other than a fricking movie. Its bad enough that we watch movies at night after dinner before bed. Movies for breakfast, lunch and dinner...man that is a lot of movies, too many for me to handle. I need to know whats going on outside this house!

I have brought this issue up with him several times, he sees it as a waste of money. I see it as entertainment. Its a battle that will be going for a while, but someday I will win.

Rather than dwell on how pissy I am about the subject I must look at it in this light: perhaps not having cable during the schoolyear is ok. I am in my last year of school and I really need to buckle down and put my nose to the grindstone rather than worry about whats on tv!

However, during these summer months when I have freedom it would be nice to spend that freedom however I choose, watching mindless tv.!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Stuff

I love the rain...it reminds me of worms.

I do not like slugs...they are DISGUSTING and currently residing along the side of my house because of the rain!

I miss my family and friends, especially my father-in-law! It was his birthday yesterday. He is so great, I could not ask for better in-laws.

I am so excited to go to P.E.I. in a couple of weeks. I will not only get to see some of those great friends I miss but I also will be attending a wonderful wedding....and I get to buy a new dress which is always fun too!

I am also very excited to see my mother-in-law and her sister! They will be here in just over a month. This will be the first time they get to see our house, the first family members ever to see the house. I am super excited and hope they like it!!

Lately I have been talking alot about babies. I know a lot of women who are expecting right now, this could be the reason for my recent obession w/babies or maybe its my biological clock ticking. How do you know when it is ticking? Is there a certain age that it begins, are there signs?? Hmmm I am not really sure, what I am sure of is that there will be no baby making around here for at least another year so this baby talk will just have to be exactly that, talk!

I LOVE the Sex and the city movie...it was so great, not only was the movie great but the ladies I went with are just as great.